Nostalgia is a fickle friend.
As I dug out my summer clothes, gleeful that shorts and dresses from two years past fit once more, (and those that don’t will soon), I was overcome by nostalgia from my summers spent at Hollins University in Roanoke, VA. I often tell people I was my happiest and fittest during that first summer of grad school back in 2011, but I realized just how fantastical my memories had grown since closing that chapter of my life.
My time at grad school was wonderful, don’t get me wrong, but looking back I can see how the reasons I looked and felt my best were not because my life was more complete than it is now. It wasn’t that my eating was on track or that my workout regime was harder (it wasn’t). Peeling away my emotions that work like a camera filter, making everything more vibrant, the reasons became clear: My body, mind, soul, and spirit were on the same page. At rest and not frantically clamoring for control.
I had made the decision to be healthy, but I truly desired transformation. You can’t have transformation without the dramatic change. I thought my weight was purely circumstantial. How silly. How very human. It wasn’t simply my happiness with the past, it was my desire to refine my strengths and give my weaknesses over to Grace that lead me to a place of contentment. Rather than wish for a time machine, I‘ll work for transformation – starting with the heart and letting go of my expectations.